Burned, Broken, and Rebuilt | #19 John Westhaver

Listener Discretion Advised

This episode contains discussions of trauma, a fatal motor vehicle collision, grief, PTSD, addiction, suicide, and mental health. Some listeners may find these topics emotionally challenging.

Our hope is that this conversation offers understanding, encouragement, and hope to anyone navigating difficult seasons of life. Please take care of yourself while listening, and feel free to pause or step away if you need to.

If you or someone you know is struggling, consider reaching out to a trusted friend, family member, or a qualified mental health professional for support. You don't have to face life's challenges alone.

In this powerful episode of Life is Limitless, Cody Demerais sits down with resilience speaker John Westhaver for an honest and deeply moving conversation about trauma, healing, and the strength it takes to keep moving forward.

John shares the life-changing story of surviving a devastating car crash at just 18 years old—a tragedy that claimed the lives of three of his friends and left him with severe burns. He opens up about the long road to recovery, navigating grief, rebuilding his identity, and ultimately finding purpose through helping others.

Together, Cody and John explore topics including PTSD, survivor's guilt, addiction, self-compassion, mentorship, fear-based decision-making, and the vital role community plays when life feels overwhelming. They also discuss the importance of regulating the nervous system, rewriting the stories we tell ourselves, asking for help, and taking one small step forward—even when the path ahead feels uncertain.

This is a raw, heartfelt, and hope-filled conversation for anyone facing adversity, navigating recovery, seeking personal growth, or searching for the courage to begin again. No matter where you are in your journey, this episode is a reminder that healing is possible—and that your story doesn't have to end where your pain began.

Here is John's Website: https://www.johnwesthaver.com/

Thank you for sharing two of the most precious resources one human being can share with another: your time and your energy.

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Music Intro and Outro:

Track Title: City Of Angels
Artist Name(s): LNDÖ

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:21

Hello, everybody. Welcome back to the Life is Limitless podcast. My name is Cody Demory, and I am your host. And today I have a mutual friend, fellow speaker, Mr. John West Haver. John is a safety resilience expert who has spent more than 20 years in over 850 presentations helping people move from surviving to actually thriving. At 18, John survived a car crash that killed three of his friends and left him with burns over 75% of his body. He woke from a month-long coma and had to rebuild everything. Out of that and everything since, he built a framework called Learn, Heal, Grow. It's a path he tested on his own life for over 30 years, and one he's still living inside today, as he and his wife navigate her stage four cancer. John's work is simple to say and hard to do. Uncover the beliefs that are quietly ruining you, heal what put them there, and grow the new patterns that let you thrive. Ladies and gentlemen, please help me welcome Mr. John West Haver. John, really appreciate your time, your patience, and your ability to jump on having a Zoom or uh sorry, a podcast episode with me this morning. Uh I know we only chatted yesterday, so for those who are going to be listening to this, me and John made it happen within 24 hours of talking to each other. John, thank you so much, buddy. Welcome to the show.

SPEAKER_00 1:55

Yeah, Cody, thanks for inviting me. This is uh it's a pleasure to be here. It's a pleasure to share my story with your with your audience. Uh it's a pleasure to connect with you. This is our first time connecting, so a lot of this conversation is gonna be fun for me. I love these interactions because uh it's genuine and authentic. And not to say that a lot of stuff I do is not, but it's just this is uh this is the the discovery of a of a new relationship.

SPEAKER_02 2:24

Yes, that's very true. That's very true. So yeah, we've you know we've messaged, we've emailed a couple times here and there back and forth, uh, but nothing, you know, one-on-one like this, with uh face-to-face, you know, voice-to-voice. And so I'm looking forward to getting to know you. And the best thing about this is as well, it's gonna be recorded, so those who are in you know the audience of the podcast get to know you as well, too, John. So I'm looking forward to it, buddy.

SPEAKER_00 2:52

Yeah, yeah, I am too.

SPEAKER_02 2:54

Yeah. So, John, you want to maybe start off by sharing a little bit of your background. Um, part of your introduction, of course, is you know, you chat about the car crash, and of course, you know, that is pretty that's a pretty intense place to start, but you know, quite frankly, I believe a lot of people will get right into things by hearing uh your perspective from that background a little bit.

SPEAKER_00 3:19

Yeah, yeah. So April 29th, 1994, like 32 years ago, long time ago, I was involved in a fatal car crash at the age of 18. Uh senior year in high school, me and three of my friends uh decided to go on a road trip, two being my classmates and one being a classmate that had already gra graduated the year before. And we were just teenage boys in a small town, a small town Canada, uh thinking, hey, we're gonna do it on a Friday night, have fun doing what we always did. Always out partying, having fun, but we had a sober driver. We were being responsible, you know, we thought. Uh we were told in school not to drink and drive, because if you drink and drive, you can kill somebody. And I grew up with a father that had often drank and drove with us in the car, and I remember how scary it used to be. So growing up, we were, you know, we were conditioned not to drink and drive. Uh to always wear a seatbelt. And we were never told to slow down and draw the speed limit. You know, we watched the movies growing up, the the fast guy wins the race, gets the accolades, gets the girl, gets the life, gets all the celebration, and what does the loser get? He gets dirt in his face, gets made fun of, and all this other stuff. So we were conditioned uh to drive fast, you know. We were teenage boys, we'd love driving fast. And our belief was it's okay to drive fast. You know, nothing's gonna happen. We'd never been in a crash before. And so April 29th, 1994, we had a sober driver. Jimmy was driving, it was our classmate, uh 17 years old, typical teenage kid, had his own car, was driving us too fast. Even though he was sober, we thought we were being responsible. Our belief was it's okay to drive fast because he's sober. But uh he came up on a corner that was too sharp, lost control of the car, skidded out of control, hit the ditch rolled several times. Uh Jimmy, who was a guy who was my size, 250-ish pounds, six foot two, was ejected with such force that when he hit the pavement he was killed instantly. The car rolled several times, had a telephone pole, burst into flames, and my best friend Jason and our friend Aaron uh were trapped in the backseat, and that car had exploded in a massive ball of fire. I somehow managed to crawl out the window, get out of the car, and I was standing beside that burning wreck, and that car exploded. Massive ball of fire. And Jason and Aaron were killed. Uh witnesses of bystanders were unable to pull them out of that burning rack. Uh myself, I managed to get out, and I was standing beside that burning rack, and someone helped me. He ran down and he grabbed me and he tried to try to put in the fire out. He put his jacket over me, didn't work, so he got me on the ground, got the fire out, and then there was a nurse on scene that lived nearby, she came to help out. And this one incident didn't just impact me. It didn't just impact our friends, like this impacted our whole community. When I say impacted, like this destroyed a lot of people's lives. Like people in that moment, people's lives were forever changed. Like Jason's family, uh, Aaron's family, and uh Jimmy's family and my family were forever changed in that moment because we were speeding. We were the youthful boys, thinking nothing can go wrong. We were drinking in the car, we were having fun, but our driver was sober. We thought our belief was nothing nothing's gonna happen because we're we got a sober driver. I was taken to the local hospital in St. Stephen, New Brunswick, where they prepared me to be transported to a burn unit uh in St. John, New Brunswick. This all happened uh in New Brunswick between St. Stephen and uh Fredington on the Highway 3. And so I grew up in St. Stephen, New Brunswick, and and I was transported to the burn unit in St. John, New Brunswick, and I was induced to in a medically induced coma because my burns, I burned 75% of my body, and uh 50% of my body was third and fourth degree burns. And because of the extent of my burns, they didn't expect me to survive. And so they put me in a medically induced coma. And they told my parents, like, he's not gonna survive. He if he survived the next 24 to 48 hours, he won't make it through the next, you know, week. Um he's in a lot of pain. So what we'll do is we'll put him in a drug-induced state so he doesn't experience the pain and we'll let him pass easily. And that's what they did. They they put me in a drug-induced state to stabilize me before they did any surgeries on on the grafting and stuff like that. There, I needed to stabilize. And if I was going to pass, I was going to pass in that moment of time. They can do everything they can to s to save me. But their understanding is if something's if it's gonna pass, it's gonna pass in that time frame. Because your body shuts down. Like it takes so much resources, you know, uh, to heal from that, to recover from that. My lungs, my liver, my kidneys uh would fail. Apparently I flatlined three times on the operating table. Like there was my body had been brutally, brutally uh impacted and destroyed. And so uh they put me in this drug-induced state for a month. And when I woke up, I woke up not knowing of the crash, not knowing of the three boys that were killed, my best friend being Jason. Um I don't recall I actually don't recall any part of the crash. I don't remember any part of the to the trip to the hospital in St. Stephen, I don't remember any part of the trip to the uh Bernie in St. John um or the next month as in a medically induced coma. I was coherent the whole time, but I don't recall those memories. And your brain goes into this protective mode and it shelters you from those memories because the trauma was so extreme. And as I'm told as I work through therapy and stuff, you know, I'll get some of those memories back, but I'm okay not to have those memories. I don't have nightmares, I'm I'm okay with that.

SPEAKER_02 10:15

Um I can understand that.

SPEAKER_00 10:17

But yeah, so this uh this I woke up to this nightmare situation that no teenager should ever have to experience. I was not prepared, you know, and you know, I was lucky to have a lot of support from my family, my friends, my community. Um my parents were there, my brothers and sisters were there. Uh even um Jason's mom came to visit me in the hospital. Uh a lot of the community, uh like some of my classmates would come visit me in the hospital. I had my graduation in the hospital, uh, and it was that support that I had in a small town that helped me get through this initial uh life change. Yeah. And there was often times um when I didn't want to deal with this. I didn't want to be having to deal with the band-age changes every day. Like I had bandage changed every day for like six months. You know, every single day I had to have bandage changed.

SPEAKER_02 11:26

Was that a couple times in a day or just one major change?

SPEAKER_00 11:31

Initially it was twice a day. Because of the burns, they were so extensive, they were sometimes twice a day. And and then I got to when I left the hospital after two and a half months, I went home and had a home care. And sometimes it was twice a day. I go down to once a day, and then I go down to uh every other day, and then you know, two times a week, and I go to the hospital and you know, once or twice a week. And then I had to drive to St. John for physiotherapy and occupational therapy and and doctor's appointments, you know, two times a week, three times a week sometimes. And it was a it was a taxing resource on not just me but my family. My mom and dad put everything down and to support me, my brothers and sisters supported me through this whole journey. And so um it wasn't just me that went through this, it was my whole family. And so um and when I recovered from this, uh with the support of my family, my community, and everybody that that uh showed up for me, you know, I moved to ended up moving to Victoria, BC, where I live now, from St. Steve, New Brunswick. And I got involved with the uh peer support group for burn survivors to help out and make a difference with other burn survivors. I got involved in speaking um with the insurance corporation of BC, the Firefighter Burn Fund of Victoria BC has been a huge sponsor ever since I started. They they saw something in me that uh was worth the and supporting, and so they've been a huge financial sponsor of the work that I do. I could not do this without them. And uh started working with ICBC, which is the insurance corporation of BC, uh doing talks on road safety, and have evolved to where I am today, where I speak on safety, resilience, and uh mental health and well-being. The goal is to, you know, one prevent injuries, prevent incidents from happening, whether it be a car crash or a workplace incident or a mental health breakdown. Uh two is to help people heal and then grow and thrive. Yeah. That's the that's the whole mission of what I'm up to now. My wife was diagnosed with stage four colon cancer, and we're on that healing journey right now, and the goal is to help other people, you know, heal with what what what they're suffering from. And it's not just physical, like like when people see me, and I think it's one of the reasons why I get to be such a big impact on people, is when people see me, they can see I physically went through something horrific and I'm still showing up and I'm still living life, I'm still out there doing things, I'm not per se turtling. I mean like going in my shell and not you know, not doing and participating in life. Um and so uh when I show up the way I show up, it gives people permission to start to see what are they dealing with, what can they work through? And I and I love talking about mental health and well-being because it's something that is very taboo right now, even though we have a lot of different programs and speakers time on mental health and well-being, um our own view, until our own view on that specific topic changes, our belief changes around mental health, our actions, our behavior and actions will not shift. So we have to see that it's okay to talk about this, it's okay to share. Hey, some days I'm not okay. Yeah, some days I'm not feeling up to it, some days, you know what? I don't want to talk to anybody. And some days it's like, hey, let's go. Today's a great day to have a great day.

SPEAKER_01 15:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 15:36

As cliche and motivational as that is, that's what it's about. Like they're having fun. Like I am working through this rebrand that I'm doing, and my calendar um is not as full as I want it to be, yeah, to be honest. And it's taking something to move this, but I know that it takes a lot of effort to put into the business to grow the business and grow my speaking and what I'm up to. But I know that that's training development for myself because this is a new the uh a new opportunity for me to learn and grow. The same as with uh my wife handling ice. This is an opportunity to learn and grow. What what is there what is the teaching element in this opportunity and what can I learn from this?

SPEAKER_02 16:25

Well, I think that's a great perspective, my man. Thank you so much for being real and raw and authentic on all of that for sure. I don't know if you've seen my eyes or if those who are listening on audio, but I was definitely um as soon as you started sharing your story about uh the car crash. I was getting a little teary-eyed and emotional myself on this end, man. Um because that's that was real, right? It happened.

SPEAKER_00 16:52

Um so tell me, let's get real for a second, because this is what's gonna make a difference for your audience. What was it, what did you connect with? What brought that tear to your eye? Talk about oh brother.

SPEAKER_02 17:04

Well, thanks for turning that switch on me.

SPEAKER_00 17:08

The laughter is good, the laughter is good because it's like it should do defense, but what was that moment? Okay, give yourself permission to be authentic and raw for a second. And it's okay to it's okay to shed a tear.

SPEAKER_02 17:21

Yeah, I appreciate that, John, truly, man. Um so I didn't know that was your background personally. And my background was, you know, me and one of my best friends back in the day as well, a week before grade 12 started, was in a bad car crash. And see, the difference is what really struck a chord um was that, you know, you had a sober driver, of course, and everyone thinks a car crash comes from somebody who's intoxicated, right? But you had a sober driver who's just uh driving fast. And you guys, you know, had that incident. And so on our end, me and my friend, I was driving, but I was heavily intoxicated. And so, of course, we hit a tree going about 112, 116. So I was also driving very fast, unfortunately. And I remember waking up to my best friend, you know, being knocked out on the on the dash from the windshield. And for those who are gonna listen to this podcast, many of you know, you know, that background of us, me and my friend. But uh I think it was just a little PTSD of where I used to be, you know, remembering the hospital visits, remembering how dark I felt after that crash, and just remembering how much of a nightmare that was to live through. Um say more about that. Yeah. Hey?

SPEAKER_00 18:51

Say more about that. Well the nightmare, what was the one thing that just like hit you hard?

SPEAKER_02 18:57

Uh the hope that it was never gonna go away. Or th that I lost the hope that anything was never gonna get better again. And so part of my story, of course, is while my friend was in a coma, like yourself, I think that resonated as well too. Um he was in a coma for about three and a half weeks or so, in induced coma. And during that time, unfortunately, I tried to take my life out of PTSD guilt, you know, just not feeling like he was gonna wake up because also on the other side of things, you know, there is uh medical professionals and doctors and such saying that he wasn't gonna wake up from his coma, and if he did, he wasn't gonna be the same person. So uh that's why, you know, parts of a a lot of your story resonated for sure. And I understand the importance of having community behind you because somebody who goes through those kind of situations in life, if you don't have people beside you, with you, behind you, helping support you in many different ways, many different obstacles, it's gonna be a very tough barrier, very tough obstacles to get past by yourself. And I think that's an extreme importance of having community. And you touched, you know, nail on the head that you came from a small town with a lot of people with big hearts that were there to support you. And I'm so thankful that you had that. And quite frankly, if I didn't have that too at many different places and those nightmares that I've lived through myself, I don't know if I'd still be here with you, John. And you know, it sounds like that community that you had was pretty integral as well for you to be here as well with us. So I'll be honest, John. When I messaged you yesterday, I wasn't knowing that this is gonna be the path that we took together today. But I absolutely love that you want to take that moment and reflect and turn it around and say, why did that hit you so hard? Because that's that's a deep, powerful way to connect with a human being. And yeah, and not everyone does that.

SPEAKER_00 21:03

Yeah, and and that's who I am. That's who I am. I I am the face of getting real. For a second. You know, as much as I love to joke around and carry on and listen to loud music and have fun, and I love taking the moment to get real. Oftentimes I try to be, you know, when I come online and do all these videos and stuff, I have a tendency, my my the logic part of my brain says be serious about these things and and do things right and come across really professional, you know, and it's and it's what I think people want to hear.

SPEAKER_01 21:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 21:43

But it's not what moves the needle. It's what moves the needle is when I get real and raw.

SPEAKER_01 21:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 21:48

And I share authentically and I connect with people. And I love to ask questions because I have a lot of trauma support and a lot of working in that space and and training and development I know how to bring you into that space but also help you navigate out of that space. So you're not left in that space. A lot of times when we navigate into that space some people don't know how to navigate out of that or help those pe help their people out of that space. Yeah. And the goal is to help if you're gonna go into that space and when I mean space, I mean the the emotional wounds that are that we hide away from we need to be able to pull be able to bring them out of that. Yeah. And so what I know to be true for myself and how the brain works is everything that happened in our past is a story that's happened in our past but it stares real real lived experiences in our mind. It's not happening in this moment. But we have a lot of judgment a lot of assessment on who we are in this moment. And it can consume us and how we move through this moment and navigate this moment. And PTSD bring up PTSD and that's why I'm sharing this is because a lot of times we have moments of PTSD and understanding that there was a trigger that brought that brought on that memory and that once that memory was activated and we have a real visceral uh sensation in our body that says oh shit this is real this is like I remember I have so much guilt I have so much shame and everything you felt and experienced back then is right now. Yeah yeah but I want you to understand and your viewers to understand is that's not happening right now. I want you to look around your room right now just look look for five different things out of five different things in my room that I can look at that's real you know that's real. This book this red book is real this red book is real right you know this phone is real right nothing that I think is happening is actually happening and your brain tries to forecast a future based on this past experience and it tries to navigate this future in the present moment so it responds and it does this so fast so fast but what you need to understand is your brain lies to you it tries to protect you says let's do the worst case scenario because we know if we can survive the worst case scenario we can survive anything. Yeah it's a trauma results for sure yeah we're we're wired we're hardwired human beings hardwired to survive if I can survive the worst case scenario I can survive anything. That's right so let's play out the worst case scenario and survive that but here's the thing we don't know what's gonna happen. Yeah so if we can calm our nervous system regulate our our nervous system we can become present. Mm-hmm okay thinking logically bringing our prefrontal cortex back online okay now I'm thinking my system's regulated I'm breathing I'm in I'm not in a state of fear what do I want to do? How do I want to move through this? How do I what's the future I want to create? And what are the actions that are going to create that future manifesting in reality so actually happening. Let's take those actions same for as when I have a a a calendar that's not as full as I want it to be you know there's a fear I'm not gonna make as much money I'm not gonna do this I'm not gonna do this like I'm not worthy and all this stuff here nobody's you know ringing my phone sort of thing you know that's all fear based. Yeah yeah what I know I know how to build you know uh a tour I know how to you know reach out to clients I know how to do these things but it takes action yeah and so nothing moves without action. Yeah and so when I let go of the fear when I let go of all this stuff I can I know how to take the actions that will result in the bookings that I want to book or whatever I want to have happen.

SPEAKER_02 26:21

Yeah there's a book that a friend of mine a few years ago recommended to me. It's called the War of Art and so it's not the old old ancient one about the philosophy of actual war but there's a different book I'm not sure the author's name right now but War of Art it talked about how you put the time and energy into your beautiful art and that is you giving time and energy to the muse of what you want to create and what you want to you know move and function. And with enough time and energy your art comes to you right like the powers that you know inspire you, motivate you the connections, the phone calls, the people, the emails right those come to you when you put in the time to your muse of what you want to manifest, right? What you want to achieve. And you know as a one fellow speaker to another I'm in the same boat brother right so it's it's summertime and I don't do very well when it's calmer and quiet. And I've made injuries in the past falling off ladders which hasn't been that far long ago when things get slow because I start thinking I have to switch things up. But when you stay calm you stay present you maybe just pause for a moment and you reflect on where you are at this time being without making decisions and choices on fear that's when you have the full realm of human life of experience of doing the right actions next right when we make decisions and choices out of fear it's not normally good situations. And I just went through those myself too and so just so you know and I know there's many other speakers right now of course that's because that's who our network is a lot of our friends a lot of our associates are other speakers and summertime is a tough time for that world but I know for a fact just from sharing this 27 minutes with you that your schedule is going to fill up as soon as maybe we just go through you know to the other side of vacations and summer holidays for a lot of people and mine as well too but man I think you're an incredible communicator. I think you're an incredible pu uh person human being and I've only 30 minutes into this conversation I've absolutely loved this John I think a lot of people are going to grab so much education so much knowledge so much joy of human connection from this conversation and I appreciate that John.

SPEAKER_00 28:49

Well you're welcome I appreciate it too and and you know talking about the the war of art the art of war is it or the war of I think it's war of art. War of art okay uh what's really cool about that putting your energy and your passion into what you're creating your art right yeah I'm gonna do a little science on you for a little bit okay let's do it okay so neurologically speaking you're wiring your brain for that outcome the more you do it the more the energy you put into it you're wiring your brain for the consistency and manifestation of what you're creating. Right? So you're creating the brain patterns the more you do it. So um take for example uh journaling a lot of people journal for mental health reasons right yep um journaling is great I bring this up because this is what I journal on right that's my digital tablet journaling is great for mental health and dealing with mental health issues like being able to put your feelings and emotions on uh uh down on on the paper but it doesn't move something forward it just gets out of your space what's in your mind right so journaling is great for calming the noise but now that the noise is calm you need to create the actions going forward so putting in the the energy putting in the the the time putting in the calls putting in the emails and the LinkedIn messages to move that forward okay so the more that you do that the more you're talking about the more every time I have so the reason I jumped on this call is because I wanted to talk about what I'm up to because when I talk about it it brings it present and it moves the needle for me and it keeps it fresh.

SPEAKER_01 30:37

Yep.

SPEAKER_00 30:37

So when you do that the more the more you do that the more you talk about it the more you create it the more it becomes real. Yeah and the more it becomes real the more it uh the quicker it becomes reality.

SPEAKER_01 30:49

Yep.

SPEAKER_00 30:50

And so that's neurologically speaking the more that you do it the more it becomes real because it's wired into your brain. So you want to shift a behavior uh shift a belief uh you've got to create that first then create the actions through habit or something clicking that makes that that that you do it over and over again that allows that brain pattern to become your default brain pattern.

SPEAKER_02 31:16

Yep well I love that buddy like you know I had one uh a friend of mine once explain to me we only have such a finite amount of energy as if like a phone battery has a hundred percent you know when it's fully charged if you spend eighty percent on one subject ten percent on another ten percent on another the direction of your path is going to go towards that eighty percent right you're spending the most energy the most time to something and with somebody like myself with severe to high ADHD I'm a person when I have in the past experienced when it's calm quiet my brain can start going a thousand miles a minute anybody who knows me personally knows oh Cody's doing this is which is out of his you know regular situations and I've come to find it's my mind I allow it to travel one direction another direction and experience and try different things and grow from that but every time what calls me and pulls me back is this journey of the speaking career this uh journey of the you know the life that we get to call our professions and every time I take my my chaotic mind and I pull it back and I ring it in and I put it where my heart desires and where I want to be where I truly truly love to be not only because it supports my family financially but because I honestly get value for my own life when I do this for people. I look at people's light bulbs go off in their eyes and their heads when I share a message in front of you know an audience whether it's 50 people or a thousand people and that light bulb moment is almost like a new drug for me coming from an addictive personality trait. Right? I love the ability to connect with human beings that way and I no longer struggle with any addictions besides that impact that I want to create with people. And every time I get off track and I go in a different direction because my mind wants to take me in a different route to my life the speaking slows down and I have to rein myself in and I refocus I rechannel and then I put it back towards speaking because that's where I want to be and then that's when somebody calls me that's when somebody texts me that's when somebody emails me that's when I get to chat with another speaker saying hey I recommended you to this group or these clients because they're looking for exactly what you offer and that inertia that energy in the world is so powerful and you're explaining it to a T and it's incredible because the truth is I think that's with everything in life anytime somebody has art to share with this world it's it comes down to the energy that you put into something yeah yeah that's I love it.

SPEAKER_00 34:12

I love that way of looking at it and I love that you're able to rein yourself in you're able to have that self-awareness that says hey look I I need to refocus here this is this is my mission this is where I I I want to put my energy and a lot of people don't have that internal uh the internal discipline to to stop it and so kudos to you for being that space for other people to say hey this is you know I I see you I I I get it you know um that's that's super awesome love it well and I love where you're at as well too you know it might not be a full calendar at this time being but when I texted you message you you said I'm putting in the work to get things rolling for the future you're not doing a thousand other things you know you're focusing you're putting the time and the energy what you love doing and that's incredible too. And that just goes to show that you've been in the profession for years right yeah and it's a cycle it's a business cycle yeah uh it's summertime it's slow nobody usually you know replies to their emails and stuff like that there but I I have a background in sales I did telesales for years um and so it's one of the one of the jobs I had uh when I moved to BC is I did telesales for different companies and I got used to making calls so I can you know if I can get you on the phone I can usually sell you. Oh yeah just about getting people on the phone finding the right person to get a hold of is is my challenge. But putting the energy into what I'm creating but what I'm really passionate about right now is uh as I'm doing more safety, workplace safety and and this framework and and resiliency work and mental health work um I'm really seeing the scope of what people are dealing with. The mental health issues that people are dealing with that are not even talking about that they're ashamed to talk about because they don't want to be seen as weak and and I get that I'm an I have a lot of alpha male energy and I have a tendency to default to aggression which is an alpha energy when I want things done. And it takes a lot to let go of that thought pattern to say there has to be a different way to move the deal. But saying that you know going back to the alpha energy a lot of times we don't want to share that we're struggling because it shows a sign of weakness. And growing up as an indigenous person in a not a non-indigenous community, I'm mixed race I'm I'm uh indigenous and Caucasian and I grew up in a small town you know in New Revill New Brunswick and there wasn't a lot of indigenous people and I knew growing up in the the 70s, eighties and nineties if you were anything other than the popular white popular kid you were teased and bullied and made fun of my whole family. Like you know we were all tease and bullied you know some hate experienced it more than others and you know and growing up being teased and bullied was the training ground for me to see that I needed to be tough and I needed to not show weakness. Now it's I'm in the training ground of letting go of that old belief. Yeah because what I needed at five years old, six years old ten years old is not what I need now. It's created who I am today and that's great but what I need now is to to be open and share more of my journey and I haven't done a lot of publicly sharing some of my struggles. Like I share the the car crash and things like that there but I don't share a lot of the the actual struggles and I think that's where my online presence needs to be more of is sharing more of that journey the dark days like you know not being able to go to sleep because you know I just want someone to be there with me. You know a partner. But I'm ugly and broken and destroyed no who's gonna love this face I'm you know I've got pictures on my desk actually right here. I don't put it with my face here. I'm a burn survivor I've got bandages on my head my hands I'm crying at night because I'm now I was told as a kid I was a fat ugly kid an indigenous kid. Now I'm it's proved in reality I am the ugly kid and no one's ever gonna want to love me or or or or be there for me. I'm never gonna date or marry again I'm never gonna marry have a family and that was real for me in that moment. Those thoughts were real yeah but over time I had to let go of those r those thoughts. Yeah. And I had to to collect evidence to disprove those those lies that I created that belief. And so when we talk about mental health and well being in this alpha male energy you know it's all for survival. It's all for not showing weakness and it gets to us to a certain point until it doesn't until we find ourselves drinking all the time doing drugs or high risk behavior putting ourselves at risk showing up work late or hung over or drunk or high or whatever it is just to try to quiet the noise and and when we're in that state we're not doing our job to our best ability. Yeah because we're trying to manage our mental state if I can focus over here into the job then I can quiet the noise but then when when I get doing my job my mind drifts how do I how do I get out of that drift? Now I'm judging and assessing all of the sh all of the shame for the past you know and that's present for me. But having people understand that all that stuff in the noise all the judgment all the shame all the guilt all the blame it's just noise. Yeah it's not real just noise.

SPEAKER_02 40:22

Well it can be extremely challenging in the game called life when somebody has a script that they're told over and over again or that they tell themselves over and over again to break away from those chains of that script that one has wired their own DNA towards for so long so many days it's not only a habit anymore it's a part of your DNA. So to overcome that habit or those DNA strings in your body is one of the most toughest things a human being can do but on the other side of it that is where the exponential growth of your life your future your relationships your friendships your romantic relationships your career your business your professions it's where it all comes from right no longer living in old scripts and I've been a person that has struggled with that from time to time but I've also been a person that has overcame a lot of those old scripts you know and yeah I just it's funny because every time I see myself saying something doing something acting something there's a part of me that act uh that asks myself like in internally sometimes I'm like you might live in an old script right now and when a person lives in the old script your future is going to be the same as your past yeah yeah you're bringing that back into the present moment yeah yeah and and and and not to discredit anything like my goal is to share with people what's possible but for the for anybody to shift anything they have to see what's actually at play what's running the the show the bus drive what's driving the bus.

SPEAKER_00 42:07

I always say what's driving the bus or running the show. Yeah and it's an old conversation old script from before and we need to see that it's not who we actually are it's some old conversation that's default. And there is um and it's hard to shift that and I think the what we need to see in reality is one we need to see that it's been done before other people are doing it other people are showing the path forward and what else needs to be there is support love and support. They have to feel supported in that journey because without that support and the com self-compassion those old ways just come in because that's how we were taught.

SPEAKER_01 42:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 42:57

That's how we were conditioned to do the hard things we're conditioned to just do the hard things and you know just go through it when a lot of times what will move the needle is self-compassion and compassion from others.

SPEAKER_02 43:11

Oh I love that man that uh you know that's very powerful I I couldn't agree with you what do you hear for what's coming to mind for you when we when I share this well the part about seeing somebody else do it or seeing some it being done right that's a that's a huge thing in my past um I know I'm not the same person in my life as I am right now if I've never watched other people that I admire that I appreciate that I enjoy have done it before me. So when it comes to that mentorship I think mentorship in any path of life whether you sell insurance whether you sell telecommunications whether you're a speaker whether you're a contractor whatever it is man like whatever it is whether in healthcare and teaching you know young Kids or adults. Mentorship is one of the most life-changing things a human being can do for themselves and everyone in their ripple effect of life that they can cause. Every single person. You know, I have noticed it has changed my life light years away from where it used to be. Coming in contact with friends and folks and associates, you know, in the speaking world has definitely changed my dynamics of perspectives of what the what this life looks like. You know, one of my best friends, you know, um, he just moved to BC actually, Alan Kaler. You know him very well, I think, right? Um, so when I first met him, that was about four or five years ago. And I didn't even know what a professional speaker was back then, right? And so that changed my perspective of what is possible. Then I spoke at the same um conference for a staff kind of empowerment conference for an indigenous group here in Saskatchewan. And uh Joe Roberts was the other fellow speaker, the Skid Row CEO. And that was another person that changed my whole perspective of what a speaker could actually do in this world. And you know, I just chatted with Joe last night. I'm looking forward to catching up with him soon as well, too. But man, when you when you grab different perspectives and different places of where a person has traveled, you know, you find a lot of relations, you find a lot of similar paths, a lot of similar journeys. And, you know, it's like reading any kind of book. Maybe you don't grab a hundred percent of the book that you read, but maybe there's one percent that you grab, you navigate for your own life, and it moves you forward in a different way, like that needle you were saying before. It moves you in a different direction in the right way. And so mentorship for anybody who's listening to this podcast is one of the most life-changing things you can ever look for in your own life, whatever profession, whatever journey you want to take in life. Finding a mentor is life-changing. But self-compassion, now that's another that's a same coin but opposite side, I almost find, right? If you don't have compassion for yourself, you're not gonna want to look for those different opportunities, those different pathways, those different journeys that a human being can take or make in their human life of expectancy. You are going to sit in the same place and you're gonna be down about your life, or you're not gonna look at the life opportunities that you have in front of you, and you're not gonna enjoy the life journey that you have going on in your life at this time being, because you don't care for yourself. And self-compassion, every single human being I I know can really, really um utilize it, right? To love yourself, to also know thyself are extremely important tools.

SPEAKER_00 47:02

And I feel it it's about it's also about calming the noise, though, too. That's the self-compassion about calming the noise. And your mind, it's when you get fearful, and that neurological feedback loop is running in your brain, and you're getting worried and you're stressed out, and you know, you're you're bumping up against the same problem. You're trying to get the same result doing the same action. And you think if I just power through, if I just do this long enough, if it just bang my head on the wall long enough, I'll get through this, I'll figure it out when what will move the needle the most is trying something different. And that's where self-compassion comes into play big time. Whenever I'm struggling with with mental health issues, or whenever I'm stressed out, like I've never dealt with depression, major depression. I've had a lot of moments in my life where I've been overwhelmed and stressed and full of anxiety and anxious thinking and things like that there, and anxious feelings and emotions and experiences. But I've never dealt with full-on depressions. I don't know what that's like. I've had a lot of support um in my journey. I've never had that, and so I can't really speak to that that much.

SPEAKER_01 48:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 48:13

But with when I know that I'm stressed out about something and I'm trying and I'm trying and I'm trying and I'm trying to get at something to move, and nothing is working, and I'm so frustrated because I'm not seeing the needle move with all the energy that I'm putting in. What I know to do is be more compassionate with myself. Notice that hey, uh my passion is there. I just need to be to let go of the fear. Let go of all of the judgments, the assessments, and uh the rumination of what I'm dealing with. And just be more compassionate. You know, embrace myself. And you know, what will my dad say? You know, my dad's no longer with us, and what would he say? You know, he used to say two things, you know, which which was great, you know. And I found myself needing to hear those like one is everything's gonna be okay, it's gonna work out, and tomorrow's a new day. It was the things he used to say all the time. Tomorrow's a new day, everything's gonna work out.

SPEAKER_01 49:16

Oh, I love that.

SPEAKER_00 49:17

And when I do that I take the stress away. Because I know in my heart in my mind that the future that I'm creating will manifest. I'm just trying to you to to do it in a shorter amount of time than I than I than uh than what I I want to have happen. Because I what I know is everything that I manifest for myself happens. When I was in a car crash and I didn't see me having life with a family, a beautiful wife and three beautiful daughters. I didn't see that. After a certain amount of time, I said I want that. And I took the actions to have that. I now have a beautiful wife and three beautiful daughters, and I live here in Victoria, BC, which is a destination city in Canada. I wanted to to make a difference with other people and I started speaking. And now I've delivered over 850 presentations across Canada, the US, and virtually around the world. I knew that I wanted more out of life and I wanted to help people more. So I went to work and created this framework, Learn, Heal, Grow. Three simple steps on how to shift from sort of just surviving life and powering through to thriving and helping people deal with their own mental health. This framework is amazing. I want it I want it to be realized in the world faster than when it's happening, but I know that it's gonna happen. You know, because I'm passionate about it and I'm I'm not gonna let it go. So I know that the things that I set my mind to will happen. The fear comes into place when it's not happening in the time frame I want it to happen.

SPEAKER_01 51:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 51:20

You know, so but I'm committed to working on that at the performance level, and that's just who I am as a person growing.

SPEAKER_02 51:28

No, I I appreciate that, John, and I think a lot of people truly that are gonna listen to this podcast, download it on you know, Spotify, Apple, or watch on YouTube, whatever it is. I think a lot of people will resonate with that, man. Truly.

SPEAKER_00 51:42

Yeah, and it's the same to recovery. Like if you're if you're struggling with you know mental health issues or addiction or whatever it is, one day at a time, one shift at a time. Yeah, you know, get the support you need today. Just today, not tomorrow, just today. Figure out what you need today to shift that. Yeah, you know.

SPEAKER_02 52:00

Yeah, well, I mean, just everything you said here today has just been magnificent. You're once again, you're a great communicator. Uh you pull you pick trains of thoughts right out of my head and you speak them into the world. So you're manifesting that right there, John. I know, you know, from a prior experience for not taking that self-compassion to maybe overthinking to reacting too quick, you know, I can speak from a personal experience right now where I didn't do that properly. So, you know, speaking was slowing down, and every year you said it right, you nailed it on the head. It's a seasonal thing, it slows down a little bit for the summer months. So, me knowing this for being a speaker for the last few years, I started jumping into fear decisions, fear choices. And so what I did was like, oh, maybe I'm gonna start a side business pressure washing, cleaning gutters for people because I also wanted to work outside, I want to be active. You know, speaking isn't always the most active kind of profession, right? So I wanted to do this, but then guess what happened? I fell off two ladders, I I uh spent you know over five thousand dollars a trailer, buying a pressure washer, all this stuff because the fear of me not being able to um support my family financially took over. And then before pausing, before reflecting, and also practicing self-compassion, I jumped before you know, doing the proper due diligence with all those things. And so the funny thing is, I still have that trailer, I have the pressure washer, I still have two sore ankles because I sprained two ankles within a three-week span of each other. All of that remains. But you know what? I would have been in a better spot in my life if I just paused, took a moment to reflect, practice self-compassion, and maybe just said, okay, this is the part of the season that I'm in right now. Right? And that would have saved my heartache physically, mentally, emotionally, and it would have done the same for my wife, my kids, right? To see their dad on a chair with ice packs on both ankles probably was not a beautiful sight. Right? But that's the full circle of what we're chatting about here.

SPEAKER_00 54:18

Yeah, and it's and and um what's really cool about this, what you're sharing is um is understanding that um the speaking business if you have it not be a hobby, it takes a different skill set and development. To develop this uh a speech is one skill set. To be able to be on stage and stand and deliver that is another skill set. To run a business on the operation side of things is another skill set, and to and to do the outreach and the sales and the marketing is another skill set, but yet we're trying to do everything you know all ourselves and understanding that sometimes we don't have the skill set to do this the best. And sometimes we need to outsource that. And so for me, I'm in this space of like, okay, get my business back on track. You know, my wife has been dealing with a cancer journey and it took a big impact on my life because I took the primary caregiver role on my whole family and alpha male, they don't ask for help, it just do it all. I got so burnt out, my business got, you know, sidetracked, and I didn't put the energy in my business, and now I'm dealing with that now having to get my business back on track. Um it's a different skill set to to do that and understand that you know uh when I'm when I'm more compassionate with myself, slow down. Understand that, you know, I I have to shift here. I have to learn and grow in this area. Once I've learned and grow and move this down the track, then I can hire somebody to do that so I can focus on what I'm up to in the world.

SPEAKER_02 56:07

Yeah. Which take care of your family, be present, be helpful, whatever you need with your family for sure. May I ask you, John, um, how long ago did your wife get diagnosed with cancer?

SPEAKER_00 56:18

So she was diagnosed last j uh April with stage four colon cancer. She'll have she'll have this for the rest of her life.

SPEAKER_01 56:25

Okay. Well I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_00 56:26

She had a blast of her colon and is now healed, and she's got three other spots near her aorta, near her back, that have cancerous activity and we're on the journey of her actively healing, like her actually healing her body. Uh she'll have this for life. And it's been a big uh impact on our family. Yeah. Uh and you know, just navigating that and and you know, being the support for her that she needs so that she can navigate her mental space uh and also being a space for the kids so that they get what they need. Yeah, and keep things as normal as possible and in a chaotic uh situation and this this situation derails so many families. Uh but my cousin is amazing and she's like, you know, a lot of times when men, and I don't know how true this is, have a wife who's who's ill, doesn't know how to provide for them, leaves the marriage sometimes. And for me to stick around and and support my family is something big. But I'm like, that's just who I am. Yeah. I'm gonna stick around. I'm here for the the long haul. I I yeah, I'm uh I'm here for the girls, I'm here for why my wife. That's this is the dream that I have manifested since since a young age. So you know, I don't want to let it go.

SPEAKER_02 57:56

Most definitely, John, and I'm wishing you guys, you and your family, nothing but the best wishes when it comes to all of that, my man. Truly.

SPEAKER_00 58:02

Yeah, and it will work out. It'll it'll it'll work out, and um I I'm positive about that. So staying positive and and keeping the energy and uh frequency the body going so that you know it it the the cancer heals.

SPEAKER_02 58:16

Yeah, well, I think that's a superpower that most people don't always give time and patience towards is the frequency that we put out into the world. You know, if we want to complain about this, complain about that, if we want to be negative about that, and don't get me wrong, man, I'm not trying to be a a prophet of that. I just because I know myself, I can get down, I can be negative, I can be, you know, not as great energetic as I want to be, right? Somebody says something to me, I don't feel great about it. Um it's human, it's the human experience. But you know, where you say tomorrow's a new day, right? The next five minutes is the next five minutes, right? And that's a new five minutes too. And we always have that ability, that option to bounce back, even if we get in the low spot, you know. Sometimes I have to find myself out of the low spot a lot of times in a day alone, right? In an hour maybe here and there, right? It just it bounces all around, but knowing that that energy, that frequency, that vibration that we put out into the world is super important, super powerful, is sometimes all the knowledge and education that we need in order to hopefully keep moving forward in the right direction for ourselves and everyone we love.

SPEAKER_00 59:32

Yeah, and and and if you find, you know, not just you, but if if your listeners find themselves having a hard time with the internal dialogue in their head, you know, just breathing and and and practicing being present in the moment and and asking for help. You know, not in the space of you're a victim, you you need it you need uh someone to you know pick you up and carry you, but to say, hey look, I just need a moment.

SPEAKER_01 59:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 59:57

You know, the noise, the the the the the track in my brain is running out of control here. I just need a moment just to collect my thoughts and just be in my space so I can calm my nervous system. Yeah you know, so that I can regularly and bring that preferential cortex back online and remember that like as you like I said, you said, you know, tomorrow's a new day. Today is just focused on today. You know, I don't you don't need to have that drink today. Just do it for today. You don't need to have that toe, that drug, that line, whatever it is, that you know, addictive behavior, you don't need that today. You know, just for today.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:41

Just stop for today. Tomorrow's a new day. And then just do that every single day. And then reach out for the support that you need. And maybe you've burned a lot of bridges, maybe you've pushed everybody away. There's resources and support out there. You know? Let go of the internal fear and hurt and start to understand that all that is that's driving you, you know, from fear-based is an old conversation.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:17

Let people know that you're hurting. Let people know that you need some love and compassion. So that you can move through this, so that you can recover and thrive.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:29

Oh, I think that's beautiful, John. I think uh we just hit an hour mark. I think that is probably a great great place to leave, Finn's, my man.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:41

Yeah, it's a great conversation.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:43

Uh don't get me wrong, I think we could keep going for a few hours, but I know you have family, you have work to get to, I got the same, um, you know, of course. And so I don't want to take I always want to be cognizant of other people's times for sure. And ours seems to be a really good time spot, even though, like I said, I we could go for hours, brother. Truly. And you know what? I look forward to us doing this again and us having another conversation about maybe a whole different aspect of life, and I know that's gonna be a great conversation as well.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:13

Dude, I I agree. I look forward to the next one. I look forward to us being on stage together, delivering a road safety presentation, you talking from the driver's standpoint, me talking from the survivor standpoint.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:28

Oh, brother. Well, you put it out you put it out into the universe, my man. So I think that's it.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:33

Can you imagine the energy and the impact of that presentation?

SPEAKER_02 1:02:38

Well, John, that's we'll work on it. That's a promise. We'll work on it. All right, my man. John, thank you so much for your time, your your intellect, your patience, your humor, your emotional regulation, all the beautiful things that you had to offer anybody who's going to listen to this. I really appreciate you, John, and truly. And honestly, when I messaged you yesterday, I was like, you know what, I've been looking forward to having this conversation. Didn't know why, but now I know why, John. Because this was a this is an incredible time together, brother. And so John, I would like to maybe end off with if folks are looking for you, if they want to get a hold of you, if somebody is looking for a speaker about roadside safety or corporate world schools, whatever it is, where can people find you, John? And I'll make sure to put that information on the show notes as well.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:32

Yeah, so they can find me, johnwestever.com. Uh they can also uh look at my names on the screen here. Look at that. And check that out. Um you can also uh I think you can have an overlay here too, but that's fine. Uh go to johnwestiever.com, uh find me on LinkedIn, Facebook. Uh LinkedIn is a great resource as well. If you're looking to bring me into your organization, your company, I don't just talk on road safety. I don't just talk on safety. I talk on resiliency. Uh I talk on uh mental health and well-being. Uh I use my framework that I've created. It's not unique to me, it's just what I how I've packaged it so that I can teach you how to think differently to move through whatever you're dealing with so that you can grow and thrive.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:24

Well, beautiful brother. I think that's fantastic. And uh if anyone's listening to this, well, which people will be, because we've had some good fortune, good good love and support with this show, um, make sure you look up John. He's got a lot to offer this world. So thank you again, John. And for those who are listening, thank you for two of the most precious resources another human being can give to another human being. That's your time, that's your energy. And me and John both appreciate all the time that you guys have shared with us for the last hour and four minutes here. If you grab some value, if you grab some insight from this episode together, please share with a friend, share with a family member, help this episode get heard, seen by others, so others can hopefully grab the value that you also grab from this episode. Once again, John, thank you very much, brother. I look forward to chatting with you again soon. And for all those who are listening, supporting the show, thank you. Nothing but love and appreciation.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:19

Thanks, guys. Thank you.